The Pleasures that Attract

We have looked at Need-love and Gift-love as two of the four kinds of love C.S. Lewis introduced us to and now the next two loves have to do with two kinds of pleasure.  Let's see if there is a connection between our pleasures and our love. 

The first pleasure is Need-pleasure. This is contentment we get from some of life's simplest treats - a refreshing glass of water, a comfortable chair or a cup of coffee.

As a person who has travelled quite extensively, its value is priceless when I am kilometers away from my familiar sights and sounds and I miss the delights that I enjoy so much from home.

Frederick Buechner – The Longing for Home

What was there about that house that made it home in a way that all the other houses of my childhood never even came close to being? The permanence of it was part of the answer—the sense I had that whereas the other houses came and went, this one was there always and would go on being there for as far into the future as I could imagine, with Ellen bringing my grandmother her glass of buttermilk on a silver tray just at eleven every morning, and my grandfather going off to his downtown office and returning in time for a cocktail before dinner with the evening paper under his arm and maybe something he'd bought at the bakery on the way home, and the Saturday night suppers when the cook was out and the menu, in honor of the New England half of my grandmother's background, was always mahogany-colored beans baked with salt pork and molasses, steamed Boston brown bread with raisins in it, and strong black coffee boiled in a pot with an eggshell to settle the grounds and sweetened with lumps of sugar and cream heavy enough to whip.

http://www.fictionwise.com/ebooks/eBook50536.htm 

This is a classic expression of Need-pleasure – each enjoyment of it goes into the memory bank to be drawn upon when the opportunity comes to enjoy it as some other appropriate moment.

The second pleasure is Appreciation-pleasure. This is the pleasure that comes suddenly but leaves us enthralled in its wake – the brief flash of pleasure leaves us with both a longing and a lasting memory. Like
driving along a highway when, unexpectedly, around a bend in the road a field full of poppies comes into view.

Need-love, Gift-love; Need-pleasure, Appreciation-pleasure

• By needing and giving love, finding pleasure and appreciating pleasure, can we find the answer to loneliness?

• Is there a completeness in these four components?

• or is something still missing?

Last thoughts on pleasure...

Remember, that in our service to God, we bring God His greatest pleasure.

The goal to hear Him say, “well done, good and faithful servant” must govern the pleasure of our lives.


Psalm 147:11 – the LORD delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love

Application #3 for what we have learned about pleasure...

God is the source of all good pleasure – the closer one gets to legitimate pleasure, the closer one gets to the heart of God

C.S. Lewis – The Screwtape Letters

The senior devil has instructed the junior devil on how to trip up an individual who seems to be straddling the line between God and self.

“Keep him from going over to the Enemy” was the charge given to the young imp.

Some days later the junior devil returned to the senior devil and reported that he had lost the man over completely to the “Enemy’s” side. Meaning that the individual had made a decision to become a follower of Jesus

“How did that happen?” roared the senior devil, “Could you not have seduced him?”

“No” came the reply “because he did two things that took him away from us.

First, every day he took a walk, not for the exercise but for the pure pleasure of it. Second, he decided to read a good book, not so that he might quote it to someone else but rather, for the pure pleasure of it. Between the walk and the good book, he came within the Enemy’s reach”

Application #2 for what we have learned about pleasure...

Application #2: Pleasure is a means, not an end. Joy should be the greater end 

      –Joy is the fulfillment that comes from a relationship that breathes  contentment in being and is not dependant on just doing
      – Joy will dim or be broken if they are not nourished by and do not point to the greatest relationship of all – with God

That is why, when pleasure has gone, it either leaves behind honour or dishonour, joy or sorrow.

If we were to look carefully at which pleasures bring joy and which pleasures diminish it,

We would discover that every genuine and enduring pleasure is tied somehow into a relationship that also has a moral commitment

"The Lost Chord" is a song composed by Arthur Sullivan in 1877 --

Seated one day at the organ,
I was weary and ill at ease,
And my fingers wandered idly
Over the noisy keys.

I know not what I was playing,
Or what I was dreaming then;
But I struck one chord of music,
Like the sound of a great Amen.

It flooded the crimson twilight,
Like the close of an angel's psalm,
And it lay on my fevered spirit
With a touch of infinite calm.

It quieted pain and sorrow,
Like love overcoming strife;
It seemed the harmonious echo
From our discordant life.

It linked all perplexèd meanings
Into one perfect peace,
And trembled away into silence
As if it were loth to cease.

I have sought, but I seek it vainly,
That one lost chord divine,
Which came from the soul of the organ,
And entered into mine.

It may be that death's bright angel
Will speak in that chord again,
It may be that only in Heav'n
I shall hear that grand Amen.
G. K. Chesterton’s Orthodoxy - Joy in knowing Christ
He points out that for the Christian, joy is central and sorrow is peripheral. This is because life’s fundamental questions are answered and only the peripheral ones are not. But for the one who does not know Christ,
sorrow is central and joy peripheral because peripheral questions may be answered but the fundamental ones are not.

Application #1 for what we have learned about pleasure...

Application #1: All pleasure must be bought at a price
 – for true pleasure the price is paid before it is enjoyed. For false pleasure the price is paid after it is enjoyed.

Turning aside from immediate gratification is one of the most difficult things to do. This is where the battle is often won or lost.

Laura Schlesinger: “It’s not an addiction problem you have, it’s a character problem.” This was Dr. Laura's response to a male caller who claimed he had an addiction to a certain lifestyle – Laura bluntly restated his problem --

Thoughts on judging others as to what pleasure is...

We all come from different backgrounds, privileges and responsibilities.

For one a beautiful symphony may be a balm for the heart’s wounds.
For another an energetic sporting event may provide respite.
For a third, a conversation on a great theme may put iron into the blood.

Whatever it may be, so long as it meets the test of God’s purpose for your life, is not enjoyed at the expense of another, and provides the opportunity to lead a life that is balanced, we shall find that God Himself will meet us and is sufficient pleasure for all our heart’s longings.

Illicit Pleasure

Continuing on the conversation started by F.W. Boreham, and having reviewed legitimate pleasure in the last blog, let's note his second point which is illlicit pleasure.

Definition:  Any pleasure that jeopardizes the sacred right of another is an illicit pleasure

 As just one example, Drs. Minirth and Meier explain the high rate of depression among high performers and the web of self-centred choices that lie beneath the surface --

Out of all the various personality types in our culture, there is one type that is more likely than any other to get depressed at some time in life. That type is the "nice guy"--the person who is self-sacrificing, overly conscientious, over-dutiful, hard-working, and frequently quite religious. Psychiatrists call this type the obsessive-compulsive personality.

Most lay persons call him a perfectionist, or a "workaholic", or even a dedicated servant.... Many find this quite surprising.... But those who have made a study of the depth of unconscious human dynamics realize that is really quite fair. ...Those dedicated servants who get depressed have as many struggles with personal selfishness as the parasite on welfare, he is out in society serving humanity at a work pace of eighty to a hundred hours a week, he is selfishly ignoring his wife and children. ...In his own eyes, and in the eyes of society, he is the epitome of human dedication... while his wife suffers from loneliness...and his sons...eventually commit suicide. ...He becomes angry when his wife and children place demands on him.

He can't understand how they could have the nerve to call such an unselfish, dedicated servant a selfish husband and father. ...In reality, his wife and children are correct, and they are suffering severely because of this subtle selfishness. This is precisely the reason why so many of the children of pastors, missionaries, and doctors turn out to be rebellious.

Legitimate Pleasure

In my last blog, I noted a quote from F.W. Boreham.  In that quote, he gave us three principles to follow in determining or helping us determine the healthy from the unhealthy.

Today, the wisdom we seek involves legitimate pleasure.

Our definition will be:
Any pleasure that refreshes you without diminishing you, distracting you, or side-tracking you from the ultimate goal is a legitimate pleasure

First requirement would be to establish the purpose of life itself. Second requirement would be to establish a philosophy of life. Now we have points of reference for all choices – distinguishing between fulfillment and disappointment, fun and destructiveness.

Danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard: He learned to define life backward and live it forward – the destiny he sought became the dictator of the direction to choose.  That is no different then to how I create a project management flowchart for my business.

Susanna Wesley, who had nineteen children which included John and Charles Wesley had this definition.

“Whatever weakens your reason, impairs the tenderness of your conscience, obscures your sense of God, takes off your relish for spiritual things, whatever increases the authority of the body over the mind, that thing is sin to you, however innocent it may seem in itself." 

Our message is simple: The places to which we go, the friendships we embrace, the language we use, the shows we watch, the books we read, the thoughts we entertain – all must be aligned with the purpose to which we are called by God.

 

Framing the Problem

In our cry for freedom in pleasure, we can't go much further unless we set up some boundaries of our discussions.

F.W. Boreham, writing a half-century ago, accurately portrays the torment of being caught between the legalistic and the lawless indulgences.

"Laughter, merriment and fun, were quite evidently intended to occupy a large place in this world. Yet on no subject under the sun has the Church displayed more embarrassment and confusion.

One might almost suppose that here we have discovered an important phase of human experience on which Christianity is criminally reticent; a terra incognita which no intrepid prophet had explored; a silent sea upon whose waters no ecclesiastical adventurer had ever burst; a dark and eerie country upon which no sun had ever shone.

Dr. Jowett tells us of the devout old Scotsman who, on Saturday night, locked up the piano and unlocked the organ, reversing the process last thing on the Sabbath evening. The piano is the sinner; the organ the saint! Dr. Parker used to wax merry at the man who regarded bagatelle as a gift from heaven, whilst billiards he deemed to be a stepping-stone to perdition.

The play we condemn; it is anathema, to us. The same play-or a vastly inferior one-screened on a film we delightedly admire.

One Christian follows the round of gaiety with the maddest of the merry; another wears a hair shirt, and starves himself into a skeleton.

One treats life as all a frolic; another as all a funeral.

We swerve from the Scylla of aestheticism to the Charybdis of asceticism.

We swing like a pendulum from the indulgence of the Epicurean to the severities of the Stoic, failing to recognize, with the author of Ecce Homo, that it is the glory of Christianity that, rejecting the absurdities of each, it combines the cardinal excellencies of both.

We allow without knowing why we allow we ban without knowing why we prohibit. We

Compound for sins we are inclined to By damning those we have no mind to.

We are at sea without chart or compass. Our theories of pleasure are in hopeless confusion. Is there no definite doctrine of amusement? Is there no philosophy of fun? There must be! And there is!"

The Bible addresses pleasure possibly far more than it does the issue of pain, because the truth is that ultimately meaninglessness does not come from being weary of pain, but meaninglessness comes from being weary of pleasure.

Ecclesiastes 2: Pleasures Are Meaningless

1 I said to myself, “Come now, I will test you with pleasure to find out what is good.” But that also proved to be meaningless. 2 “Laughter,” I said, “is madness. And what does pleasure accomplish?” 3 I tried cheering myself with wine, and embracing folly—my mind still guiding me with wisdom. I wanted to see what was good for people to do under the heavens during the few days of their lives.

4 I undertook great projects: I built houses for myself and planted vineyards. 5 I made gardens and parks and planted all kinds of fruit trees in them. 6 I made reservoirs to water groves of flourishing trees. 7 I bought male and female slaves and had other slaves who were born in my house. I also owned more herds and flocks than anyone in Jerusalem before me. 8 I amassed silver and gold for myself, and the treasure of kings and provinces. I acquired male and female singers, and a harem[a] as well—the delights of a man’s heart. 9 I became greater by far than anyone in Jerusalem before me. In all this my wisdom stayed with me.

10 I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure.
My heart took delight in all my labor, and this was the reward for all my toil.
11 Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve,
everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun.

I will leave you with one final frame from psychologists Frank Minirth and Paul Meier and a quote from their book Happiness is a Choice.

“Minirth and I are convinced that many people do choose happiness but still do not obtain it. The reason for this is that even though they choose to be happy, they seek for inner peace and joy in the wrong places. They seek for happiness in materialism and do not find it. They seek for joy in sexual prowess but end up with fleeting pleasures and bitter long-term disappointments. They seek inner fulfillment by obtaining positions of power in corporations, in government, or even in their own families, but they remain unfulfilled. I have had millionaire businessmen come to my office and tell me they have big houses, yachts, and condominiums in Colorado, nice children, secure corporate positions – and suicidal tendencies. They have everything this world has to offer except one thing – inner peace and joy. They come to my office as a last resort, begging me to help them conquer the urge to kill themselves.”

How do we find genuine freedom to enjoy life's pleasures?

Why do we relentlessly seek God’s answers when in the midst of suffering, yet we never seem to pause with equal sincerity to ask Him for guidance or wisdom in pleasure and seem very uncertain about God’s presence in fun and pleasure?



We postmodernists blame God for all the bad and credit ourselves with all that is good.

Have we all bought into a belief that God is not interested in making life enjoyable?

Has the Christian faith somehow been moulded and reshaped to appear as a killer of pleasure or as a barrier to fun?

Have enjoyment and amusement now been handed over to “the world” so that the very idea of pleasure is seen as deadly to spirituality?

Can God give us a wide array of pleasures including the physical and the aesthetic that we may enjoy without feeling that it is a break from the routine for the Christian?

How do we learn to think constructively rather than to live pragmatically, making momentary decisions without guiding principles that will inform our choices?

What deep struggles and questions must engulf us as we are fed a steady diet of all that appeals to the eye and the imagination, with so little to nurture the conscience.

What damage could be done to us long before we have the maturity and inner strength to glean the good and to reject the lies.